What Happens To Nights Like This

What happens to nights like this

When words you've heard

become what they were meant to be

and you don't learn. You stay at home.

You let what will be,they don't own you -

you don't own them.

Feeling spent while all are filling.

Having much and many

all this silence, all this lonesome

all this darkness not built for me,

but made for me regardless

if outside is a breeze

you don't walk away from this.

Do nights go anywhere?

Do they run or walk somwhere?

They run like lava over everything

this wealth I'm not made for

in a room I've made austere

when sunlight hits the walls tomorrow

I will be all the same.



The Stranger Pope

I had high hopes when I learned that the pope was a Jesuit.

I'm not naive. I've read about the work of Jesuits for nazi Germany and all their crude misconduct throughout history. But that's what I was counting on - not a scheming agent of devious machinations, but a person who goes against the grain on his own principles. Put someone like that as Pope and you can expect a shakedown.

I was not only schooled by Jesuits, I was personally mentored by the former Jesuit Provincial (the highest Jesuit position in any country) in matters of social justice. Jesuits have founded many social action organizations including two of the largest labor unions in the country.  In the end, the Jesuit Provincial, who also had taught Ethics in the prestigious Philippine Military Academy, had a serious falling out with the women's organization he helped found because of its positions on abortion and the reproductive health bill.  I had a falling out eventually because although I took the cudgels of organizing the women loyal to him, I could not not support the bill.  Or so I would like to think. Possibly I'm difficult to work with in a structured environment where Jesuits can thrive with the military.  It's always been my challenge.

So I love this Pope because he has gone against many traditions. I suspect he is also torn on many more issues than already publicly confessed.  For instance, several Jesuits are gays. There are many whispers among the halls of the Ateneo University.  We who heard of them were torn between sympathy and cringing. So the Pope opening the conversation on this piece should have been helpful.

This Pope will surely change lives if he hadn't already. But not because he has his own opinions that differentiate him from many modern Catholics, but because he is dressed in a robe, he is talked about, seen in crowds, and he waves from a magnificent balcony dripping with symbol. One day he will pass away and we will feel empty for his loss. And his successor may prolong his legacy or overturn it, as popes are allowed. But 30 years from now we may have already disregarded his words, especially if no real change in the clergy hierarchy would have taken effect.

My point is, there are people more ordinary who have no clout but will be shaping our lives more than any person on TV.  They are called our neighbors. They elect the local community leader, the next president, and even has a hand in how traffic is managed in our neighborhoods.  Yet we hardly ask about their principles and values. We don't sit them down and dress down their wrong notions about women, gays, carpooling, or the electoral system.  And yet we can.  And even get some clout in the process.

The Pope soon comes to the Philippines. Already, streets are being paved more thoughtfully. People will be flocking to get a glimpse, it will be a nightmare for the government of a hugely Catholic country to ensure his safety.

I'm already learning two things from his hugeness and his smallness.  Every generation has a revolutionary, but this generation has many, although pity they have been adopted by corporations. There's Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and others. People who don't care whether you have community gardens only computers.  This Pope may be a different revolutionary. At least he spoke about inequality as the root of all evil. Nathan again, he has not started a program for equality in Vatican City.   His hugeness is becoming increasingly inappropriate to his message.   But then he is also inherently small, a small piece in the puzzle. He can't change the world alone. And so he must try to preserve the office which differentiates his not-so-extraordinary opinion from the common folk.

Elementally, the Pope is still an ordinary stranger outside your doors. How much of the Pope you let in is a reflection of the world you're trying to make; how much you let in of any stranger for that matter.

We curate chaos just as anybody else does. He may be one thing and so are you.

The God Wound

Today, the sound of howling winds too often heard in these parts tears through the glass windows sealed for comfort.  Incorrigible. The deaths of 10,000 or so in one island during the last supertyphoon of this magnitude are still fresh in the collective memory of those in the 7,000 islands of this country who were spared. The winds don't lash or buffet, they crush any sliver of faith that God will spare us from danger. At least for me.

How does one heal from a God wound?

A year has barely passed after Typhoon Haiyan, today we get Typhoon Ruby. At this time, although it has made landfall, the news we get is that our luck can be summed in the few lives snuffed this time. Barely a handful this time.  

But I sorely remember how 2 days after Haiyan hit, after we all prayed in our heart of hearts and our deepest faith to our God, that the damage caused by the typhoon was zero. Somehow, it magically disappeared. And this to my mind was how the nuns in my Catholic high school described one typhoon that magically split into weaker forces getting lost in a mountain range.  How it was a miracle, nothing is impossible with God.

Tomorrow, I will still be expected to work. I will be talking to a Palestinian who has never experienced a typhoon in his life.  I told him to expect floods and strong winds but he will be safe because he lives in a good hotel. We talked about Haiyan and I could see his empathy. I'm quite certain a person who has no nation and no passport, hassled for his strange travel documents, can empathize with helplessness.

In the few days I've with met him we've talked about the Quran, about Israel, and my views on the beauty of dark-skinned people. He has been amazed at learning about the literacy rate in the Philippines, which is one of the highest in the world, our achievements at gender equality, and our propensity to adopt the less fortunate as our own.  He asked me, "Is adoption something you do morally?"  I said, "It's more cultural. My aunt has adopted six, and I have an adopted brother." No one will be able to tell. My colleague chimed in, "I myself have an adopted sister."

With all the corruption that has plagued this country, and with all our rebellions against our captors and bad leaders, you would imagine our God is not the God of obedience or compliance. And surely you may understand why.  Last super typhoon, it was the first time we ever experienced a thing called a storm surge. It was a cross between hurricane and tsunami.  We thought we had complied enough with our safety standards and the rest will be up to a rather merciful God, in our view. But the sea outdid itself and swept inland with the huge ships at harbor.  

We eventually learned after 2 days that the reason we thought Haiyan miraculously dissipated was because it had wiped out most of the coast guard and the police force and locked in the whole town, both dead and alive. Instant news blackout.  It wasn't a miracle. It was the end of the world for at least 40 days.  For about 40 days the town ate mostly the feast-worthy dish it's known for, roasted pork.  Among the dead they feasted, there were barely any alternatives.  After 40 days, help reached them after hurdling rotting corpses, logs, concrete slabs, and parts of wooden homes.

Today, right now, we hear minimal casualties.  I wait. It's past midnight and I won't be able to sleep. And what do I pray for that seems doable or reasonable to our God?  Compliance hardly saves us in this nation that is hard to rule over. Whatever semblance of stability we try for ultimately gets challenged by powers of nature or powers-that-be. Does God honor our efforts to suffer one another? When we barter our personal space for the accommodation of another, does God not see how little we feel?

I only pray that as minister, I have something to say next Sunday to the congregation I serve, when all the numbers are in and we all feel once again that nagging doubt. That I tell them that the wound of disappointment is where the light enters, as Rumi said.  That a Muslim is who I turn to for inspiration at this time. That I open the wound to a different care.  That I am feeling small because I am. Because power does not lie in invincibility but in resilience, not in domination but in steadfastness.  That it is not certainty around which the order of God is built, not in control, but in adaptability like forgiveness and love that adapts to the loved without losing yourself.   

And in the core of doubt is the ability to accept the relativity of certainty as well as of failure, of loss, of change. To doubt God is the coward's way of doubting if certainty and control are the ways of the just. The best window to the eternal is the one where we find ourselves not as people comfortably looking out, but one outside which we are the stranger looking in, uncertain and hopeful. And sometimes the darker it is inside, the better we see ourselves reflected. Our reflection shows our deepest intention.  It takes courage to see God within ourselves.  And that may be the message for the living.  Perhaps only the dead can reside in certainty.

Manual for The End of Times

Newsflash:  Only 11 countries are not presently at war. More countries are engaged in war today than World War I and II combined. [1]

You have been feeling it in your bones, especially if you have been working for success your whole life. Something leaves you feeling empty. You think it is the marriage, or the spouse, the partner, the children, the job or the profession, or the neighborhood; you have itched about changing your life, but to what course you don’t know. 

Our conversations have become transactional, lifeless, pointless, meaningless discourses on clashes of prescriptions pointing to the same values for life, well-being, and harmony. The world is in transformation, this you know in your bones. You have trouble sleeping, are you depressed? Are you simply afraid to love again? Are you wracked with fear of the uncertain? Are you just bored? Maybe lonely? If only you had the right question, perhaps you would find the answers. 

A life force is presenting itself but people cannot just ride out the wave or they will be swept away when change comes.  This life force demands full participation and personal investment. It is the life force of the soul. Whether God exists and thus, life, or is there simply a system longing to preserve and promote energy conservation throughout the vastness of the universe, you feel that it is an intelligent force. Is the universe self-aware? If it weren’t, then why are we,meager beings, able to become self-aware? What can this whole universe hold in its being and presence? 

Religion is dying. Churches in Europe have been converted to pubs. Spirituality, on the other, hand is growing. People are talking about Spiritual Intelligence even as a business imperative. Google has hired Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist master to create a better work environment and workforce. Alive indeed is the universe offering us its soul, reminding us we are souls --- that working our soul, can materialize great successes and practical rewards. 

Eschatology is the study of end of time scenarios. In many religions, eschatology is about cyclical renewal after every long period of human history, marked by reincarnations. There is always a promise of the new at the end of each world. 

And perhaps that is the thought we need to focus on. Those of us who can feel it in our bones, are we being called to build a new world? Most religions have banked on fear of the end, of damnation, and of retribution to bring adherents to itself. Spirituality, on the other hand, has a different approach: It promises us peace of mind and wholeness. You may not believe in either, but may consider yourself a gifted person. You will find that gifts are better when they come from your heart or your soul, creating a feeling of coherence in your words and actions, making you feel whole. Initiators, entrepreneurs, creators, producers recognize that component in themselves that expresses itself in their creations.

"Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one." Stella Adler

You don’t start something without the faith or at least the hope that it adds value to someone or something. Why would a person do that without the need to express, protect, or communicate the soul? 

‘Our ultimate concern is that which determines our being or not-being.’ Paul Tillich 

But humankind today feels empty because it fails to recognize how to fill itself, because it fails to align with its ultimate concern, unable to recognize the four clashes of the spirit going on in the world. 

 A lot of us would rather deny that we are on the brink of the new. It is simply too much to shift human evolution to a different path of thoughts, actions, and energies; many of us would rather bury our head in the sand and pat ourselves on the back when we align with our old dreams of becoming better versions of Mom and Dad. But that affirmation we seek from our parents may only be the handicap that is keeping us from recognizing the truth. Truth is self-evident. It is like gravity; one does not need to believe in it for it to pull us back to earth, but the sooner we recognize it, the sooner we can learn to use our wings to fly. 

The spirit clashes on four realms today. Interestingly enough, they resonate with all end-of-the-world scenarios in many religions. There being four is parallel to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse mentioned in Christianity. Islam, states a “great battle”, which could be interpreted as the battle for the soul, notwithstanding that the battle could still be on four realms. It may delight you to know that good is on our side. There are enough kind people in the world to eventually save it from annihilation. Eschatology will tell you, there will always be the survival of the good people. Recognizing these four spiritual clashes will help you side with good. These clashes may not have started at the same time, but they will all end at the same time. The conflicts will need to be resolved in one blow. 



The first horseman: Conquest. Powerful Vs. Powerless 

In 2008, a global recesssion shook nations and markets, which have not been blamed on illegal practices, but on practices protected by law, particularly laws in finance and banking. Before that, a few companies were exposed for breach of anti-trust laws, for insider trading, and for various forms of corruption. On the other hands, government corruption has also been exposed in many parts of the world. These two developments clash with the maturing notions of democracy and equitability in the consciousness of citizens everywhere. Organizations are challenged in their existing notions of privilege and other vestiges of empire.  When people began to learn to organize, they only learned to organize around centralized forms of power. Thus, power hoarding became confused with thriving. Power distribution has yet to be learned by humankind. Because we are only beginning to understand that powerlessness was never the hallmark of justice. Thus, surging notions of public accountability clashed with abuses of power everywhere. 


The second horseman: War. Human Unification Vs. Human Division 

Today a culture emerges in the internet that has the potential to erase race, religion, and gender as bases for friendships. Instead, the ability to express and be affirmed by others is all the rage. But powerful entities continue to promote division with inflaming rhetoric about discrimination based on human categories. The truth of the matter is discrimination today is indiscriminate. One can be discriminated based on height, nose structure, location, education, and all other categories that transcend religion, race, and gender. How to address the division is not through creation of armies to “defend” these human categories, but to teach people how to be human first. 

“Before becoming a muslim, a hindu, a sikh, or a christian, let’s become human first.” Guru Nanak Dev Ji 

We have not been taught to collaborate. The human skill for collaboration has been crippled by empires’ rule of divide and conquer. Our conversations need to change; our way of thinking about where to find wisdom has to expand, not just from the divine and mighty, but also from our equals. Indeed dissent is important in coming to a practical wisdom on how to collaborate. Dissent is not the cause of human division but is its most precious jewel. The cause of human division is organizing against one another.  The purpose of organization should be to create space big enough for a person's success or failure; we organize to be big enough to include.


The third horseman: Famine. Soul Fulfillment vs. Material Success 

The hunger of soul is not unfamiliar. There is a feeling of want everywhere. There is physical want, spiritual want, material want, and famine of every kind. On the other hand, companies are getting more and more efficient with producing more with less, calling it efficiency. The factory model has proven – that one person can create clothing for many, can produce food for many, can build for many. So where is the lack coming from, but from the inhibition to access the earth and its resources, the inhibition to freely build from them and put resources to good use. We are inhibitted by both governments and corporations to freely touch the earth to produce an abundance in service of others. Material success has been guarded by interests defending the structures that make money survive. This has created our sense of alienation from the earth and alienation from our soul. Without the work of keeping souls nourished, we ourselves starve. And souls are nourished by allowing it to freely create what is good for others. This is why the first task of faith is to liberate souls from the shackles that prevent it from co-creating a good earth. 


The fourth horseman: Death. Lifeless Vs. Lives 

Today, we have all been practically reduced to batteries that feed the soul of organizations. Instead of our communities nourishing us, life is wrung from our veins in a game called competition. Race competes with race, organizations compete with each other, governments compete, and corporations compete in a race where human beings are the easiest to sacrifice to promote the interest of lifeless entities. Corporations are given bailout packages while college students are all spent trying to pay their tuition fees. We have rewarded competitive ferocity of organizations and punished the human striving to thrive.

I would invite you to look at these clashes and see where human beings need to act for the team of humankind. See where you stand on these clashes and be guided by what is good. Blessed be.